Here’s a story that gets me a little fired up. A friend of a friend has a new baby. Baby’s Mommy was on maternity leave….and apparently wanting to head back to work after only a few days. The question constantly coming from her mouth: “Just what do stay at home moms do all day anyway? I would be bored out of my mind.”
I take exception to this for a few reasons….well, scratch that…for ALOT of reasons, but I’ll start with what first comes to mind.
1) I HATE THE STAY-AT-HOME vs. WORKING MOTHER debate. I think we should spend more time building each other up rather than playing the ‘my-way-of-raising-kids-is-better-than-yours’ game. It makes me want to vomit. I call this the “UNDEBATE”.
2) I think it is crucial for each individual family to determine what works best for them! Do you need two incomes to feed and clothe your family? Are you a better mom because you work outside the home? Have you always imagined being there for all of your child’s first moments? Do you think you treasure your time with you kids more than ever because you AREN’T with them all day? Do you, personally, think it is important to stay home? Do you think it is better for your child to have extra socialization with other kids…so working is better? Whatever you decide….that is the RIGHT decision for your family.
3) I chose to stay home with my kids. This was not an easy decision for me. I had a career. If you had asked me, even 7 years ago, if I would stay home when I had kids, I would have looked at you sideways. But things change. My husband and I decided my staying home was right for our family. But it has not been a walk in the park. (well….it has actually been a series of many walks in the park…but, I digress….) Of the years I have spent at home with my kids, I have loved many days, but I have also dreaded many hours.
4) The last thing I am is bored. Our days are always full. Most of the time, they are child-centered (and therefore NOT Mommy centered). We play outside, we play inside, we color, we imagine, we giggle and laugh, we argue and cry, we even watch a little Dora (when Mommy needs a timeout) I also take care of all family errands and projects. While this is definitely not how I imagined my days would be, I know I will be grateful I had this time with my kids.
5) I also know there are many mommys who WISH they could stay home, but can’t. And, it is often that I remind myself how blessed I am to have had the choice.
I have now transitioned to a work-at-home mommy…and that is hard too. Take for example, that Coop is standing outside my office door with his nose pressed up against the glass. Well…and Delaney keeps knocking.
Mommys….for the love….stop competing. Do what you think is best for your family. It won’t be easy, but at least it will feel right for you!
I so agree with you! I had to work for a lot of years, then stayed at home even though we really couldn’t afford it, for a couple of years, then I became a single mom who had to work in order to survive. Now I am remarried, but was diagnosed with Lupus so cannot work because of my illness. However, my children are all teenagers and not around as much as when they are little. So, hubby and I bought a business. I help out with that as much as my health allows, but I still feel it is important to be here for the kids after school, for their activities and the goings on in their lives. Mom’s should never ever debate over what is right or wrong in raising kids as far as working goes. Moms are moms…moms need to respect each other, and be a support system for each other.
Just my humble opinion.
I agree with you–it is a families choice. I feel that it is a sacrifice well worth it if you can stay at home for at least 4 years until your children are in school–then focus on you and start a career if you choose. We, as a family, have made a lot of sacrifices to maintain our lifestyle on one income. I feel very blessed with love, togetherness and I know we will have a strong bond always because of our sacrifices.
Thanks for expressing your feelings on this subject.
Kalisha
You know, this competitivemommy thing really HAS gotten out of control. We all do what’s best for our families, period.
Of course, I wasn’t there. But maybe? She meant more in a curiosity kind of way. Like, “it’s hard for me in the 3 hours I’m home at the end of the day. How do you keep busy for the other 15 hours?” Instead of a snide, “What I do is more important than what you do.”
Here’s hoping, anyway.
I also think the competition between working moms and stay-at-home moms needs to end. We all do the best we can with our circumstances. I chose to stay at home. When I became single again I chose to work four part-time, yet flexible, jobs so that I could still be available for my kids programs and field trips. When I remarried I chose to keep working two part-time jobs that allow me maximum flexibility. I am usually home when my kids are coming and going. It works for us. Great post!
Great post. The right thing for the family is the right thing for each member AND for the collective. My mom worked while I was growing up (single parent). I hold no regrets or resentment. I chose to stay home with my kids, although I was also one of those people who never thought they would. The reality is that some people really aren’t cut out to be at home fulltime. They feel unfulfilled, bored, trapped. Unhappy parents raise unhappy kids. Besides which, there are opportunities that open up with the extra income
By the way, I do get bored sometimes. Not because there’s nothing to do, but because I don’t always want to do it! I would say, though, that being home with a toddler/pre-schooler is very different than being home with a newborn. I found the newborn months boring and tedious, but as they start playing, crawling, talking, etc., it gets far more interesting (and exhausting).
Anyway, there just isn’t one right answer and I don’t know why folks presume that there is.
P.S. I chose to stay home, not really for my kids, but for me. I didn’t want to miss all the special moments. I think my kids would have been very happy in a good daycare as well.
I can’t speak for everyone who asks the question, “what do stay at home moms do all day,” but I will tell you why I asked the question of every stay at home mom I could find. I’ve been a career woman most of my life. I had my first baby at 35 and I TRULY did not know the answer to that question. I was not being disrespectful as I asked it and certainly did not mean to offend. I had to decide what I was going to do: work or stay at home. After 3 months with a colicky baby I decided to go back to work because staying at home with a child who literally screamed all day long was not something I could do.
Now at 10 months my baby’s colic has finally resolved and I’m on an anti-depressant medication for my post-pardum depression so I actually feel able to stay home and be a good mommy.
I guess my point is that maybe some encouragement and real answers to those that ask the question may be in order.